How do you walk away from a person who has influenced your life in a manner so positive that words cannot describe how you feel? Daniel and I are over. I know, some of you are shaking your head and saying “again? How long this time?”
I can’t honestly answer that question because I really don’t know.
Tonight it seemed so obvious. It was laid out in front of us. He felt bad that he does not have the same feelings towards me that I have towards him. This is not something new. He brought this to my attention a couple months ago and crushed me with this statement. Tonight I replied that it does not surprise me. He’s been telling me for the better part of a year what he needs. I did not understand him. Only now that I finally get it, and I just don’t think it is going to work.
I told him that I am not surprised that he does not have strong feelings for me. Honestly, I don’t believe it, and I think he is convincing himself that he does not want to be with me – but I really don’t want to go into all that right now.
Bottom line, he told me that he does not feel compelled to be with me. I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me. What more is there to say?
It all seems pretty clear to me.
He was very quiet. He then said that he was confused. He then got angry and frustrated. He said that he just wants this to be easy. I reminded him that life is not easy, it never will be. No one (well most healthy people) wants drama in his or her life. Unfortunately sometimes it happens and we have to deal with it. He reiterated that he was confused.
I thanked him for all the wonderful things he helped bring out of me. I reminded him that he helped me become the strong person that I now am. He helped me learn and grow. We said good night and I cried. I cried a lot, but it was not a helpless and hopeless cry like they have been in the past. This was a cry for what was lost, the person who will no longer be in my life. I know that I am a good person, nothing can or will change that. I know that these feelings are only temporary and they will pass.
Life goes on.
7 comments:
All i can say, and i know you'll understand it...is
I'm proud of you.
i'm also sorry, here for you, and hopeful for the future.
*hug, whine, & wine*
Sorry, Chele. But you're right... you deserve to be with someone who *wants* to be with you. You are a wonderful person. :-)
::hugs hugs hugs:: I'm so sorry. I've been in a similar situation in the past with an ex. He didn't want to be with me but he did and all i did was jerk me around. Finally I had to say enough was enough no matter how I felt about him.
Walking away is the hardest thing but you will become so much stronger in the long run!!!
I'm so sorry ::hugs::
I'm sorry that you have to go through this. You deserve someone who will love, want, like, enjoy you as much as you do them.
I remember that night on my deck on Peck Lane....when I asked you "Chele, how do you break up with someone who you love more than anything?" It's the hardest thing you'll ever do... But it's the strongest thing you'll ever do!!
Oh Michele, I'm so sorry you are going through this! :-( But you DO deserve someone who loves you and WANTS you in his life, who can't be without you in his life. I know you will find that. I'm here for you girl, if you need a shoulder to lean on or cry on, call me!
I'm a bit late in checking in with your blog - so HUGS!! And I'll skip all the other stuff I was going to say and give you more hugs! (not cuz you need them, but just because)
- V
It's like I said to you before: Sometimes you need to retest the waters, just to prove to yourself that it either deserves a little more work or it really truly can't work out the way you had hoped. Either way, it seemed to help me that I got to make the choice for myself. My choice was to walk away. And even though I was sad & it hurt, it didn't hurt the way it did when the decision wasn't mine to make. I hope you find the same peace. (((HUGS)))
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