Life Style Changes...

Over the past few months I have become incredibly introspective. Looking at myself from every angle possible. I found a few things that I really did not care for. Since then I have been working on changes in my life, albeit small, with the hope that their combined results prove to be something much larger.

First of all with regards to mental health. My therapist and I agree that depression is not as much of an issue anymore. It's been identified as situational, and I have been building up the tool shed so that I can deal with those times when they pop up. In addition, my mood has been seriously fluctuating around 'that time of the month' - I'm not talking PMS. I'm talking about me becoming irrational and lashing out at people close to me for no known reason. I try SO hard to keep that beast tame, but it is exhausting, and I am quite surprised some people have not entirely cut me out from their lives... I am also thinking that said people might not even be aware... but I think I have been good about keeping it cryptic as possible ;)

Anyway, so that brings me to my first change. Next week I am starting to take Seasonale. I've been on a few different brands of BC pills. But thins is my first time on something with an extended time frame. I figure that if I am going to be a psycho bitch I might as well limit it to 4 times a year.

I start working from home in July. I am really looking forward to it. As you know I have been putting lots of pics of the apartment up, but I have not been sharing my office as much. It's still under massive decorating overhaul, and I want it to be something to be proud of when I am complete. I am making everything to have nice clean lines. I want it to be like a breath of fresh air when I walk in. A peaceful environment to lead to a productive work habits.

I've been on my computer a lot less. I was seeing patterns where i was becoming less interactive with people and hurrying home just for what? Spider solitaire? Facebook? I'd play for hours and hours and hours before realizing it was way past time to get a reasonable nights sleep. NOT HEALTHY in my opinion and definitely NOT for me. Life is worth LIVING, and that just does not happen while poking at someone on FB (heh, I'll never stop doing that!)

The laptop officially lives in the office now. I also only allow myself to 'check in' on line a few times a day (unless I am crazy bored.) I've been catching up on watching movies, reading books, finally reading the magazines I subscribe to, cleaning regularly, unpacking more... doing stuff for me. Learning how to live my life and be happy with myself.

Speaking of that... I had some great conversations with my insane Greek friend last night. He's very observant and a very kind and generous man. He was saying some very nice things to me (which I really needed to hear) and he reminded me of the fact that I've jumped from relationship to relationship over the past 5 or so years.... the felon (more on him later).... then the egg.... and then James (he needs a nickname for blog purposes still....) in all that time when did I do stuff for me? Before the relationships I was married to my schoolwork. A full course load while working full time. No time for me.

What do I like to do? What makes me happy? ...well, I really don't know, but I want to find out. I know that when I am at my strongest, happiest, people do migrate to me. I love this fact. I've always been known to have a wide, diverse circle of friends. Lately I feel like I am loosing a lot of that, and I feel that I am bringing it upon myself.

So wish me luck on my adventures. Don't take offence if I don't blog as much - its just me learning how to enjoy what it is that enjoy. time for me to learn all about me.. and to have a cup of coffee.