I'm ok.
I really am.
I made sure to arrive on time. I made sure to wear the earrings he gave me, but with an older necklace. I wore a shirt that I remembered that he liked. I remembered to keep breathing deeply and to think before I spoke.
I suggested we go out for lunch. We went to a place down the road. We made small talk. We talked about cars, politics, traveling with animals and foreign travel. It was sunny. The food was good. We just hung out and did not talk about any of the sensitive topics. I had a few things I wanted to say to him - but I thought it would be best to say it during our good-byes.
I'm still shaking from it all.
We came back to the apartment. He helped me with the packing. Previously I was stubborn and refused / ignored his help. We rummaged through the closets together. He helped me carry everything out. We went to the garage and pulled out everything else. I pulled stuff off the shelves - he brought it to the car. I joked that I did not want to carry anything near the Mazda - in order to prevent hitting it. Then I reminded him that he did offer to trade me the Mazda for a basket I kept in the living room.
Then the hard part.
We said our good byes. We hugged, I thanked him. I have grown more then I could ever imagine over this past year. A year ago I was not ready to live on my own. He helped me to find that strength. A year ago I had no interest in having a family, getting married and kids. He helped me realize that with the right person in my life, I DO want to have children. He helped me have fun. He reminded me of the natural playfulness I have inside me. He helped me learn how to communicate better, how to express my feelings.... He helped me grow. I appreciate our relationship more now then I ever had. I recognize and have fond memories of the times we shared. All those special memories that he gave me. Spotting the hundreds of firefly's in the backyard. Standing next to the person I love by Kent Falls. Sailing. Snowmobiling in the deep woods during a snowstorm. The waddling porcupine. Looking at the stars while driving with the top down at night. Being woken up in the middle of the night by him hovering over me and insisting on tickeing me until I can't take it anymore. Wonderful memories that I will always cherish. He gave me more then he probably even realizes.
He suggested I call him in a month, hugged again and said good bye.
I'm ok.
I really am.
10 comments:
I'm so sorry! But you go through it, that was going to be the hardest part, that final break. And the fact that he suggested you call him in a month. . .that's a good sign, that he's not entirely given up either, I say.
It was hard but I'm so proud of you for realizing all that you have learned and figured out about yourself during the past year. That's the beauty of a relationship, even those that don't work out the way we anticipate, that we live and learn about our self and others in the process.
This only makes you a stronger woman in the long run! Love you! Let me know if you need anything.
Big huge ::hugs::.
It is so very good for you that you are able to look at it in a positive light and see all the things where you have learned about yourself. In every situation, that is the goal.
It still sucks when something ends but soon you'll find the right person and they'll benefit from the fabulous person that is YOU.
I must reiterate what these girls have said; it's amazing that you are able to see all the positives and the ways you've grown in the last year. Most people don't even get that far.
And that's how I *know* you're going to be ok.
Keeping an eye on the positive is what makes you the strong person that you are. Huge hugs! - V
I hope you are proud of yourself. You deserve to be. It wasn't easy but you did it. And there's no telling where your road goes next or if your roads will merge again, but you've done something amazing, even if right now it just sucks. I've been there through more than one ending, and it took me a lot longer to reach a point where I could see any good. You're gonna be ok, girlie. Be gentle on yourself & allow yourself time, but you are going to be just fine.
I must agree with all that has been said here - good for you - you are stronger now and you can do ANYTHING!!
Thanks ladies. It's been difficult... but not as difficult as I thought it was. It wasn't as difficult as the past few weeks have been. I guess I already got my relationship mourning out.
Don't get me wrong - i am sad that things turned out the way that it did... but at least I am not getting hysterical all the time anymore.
*step*
You walk away from every relationship with new skills. New skills that make you stronger as an individual and stronger as a partner. You've already started to put these skills to use for you and someday you will find someone new and they will be wow'd by your skills!
i am so sorry! big hugs your way!
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