Friday is here. Today is Friday, June 27, and I am an emotional wreck. Tears keep swelling up in my eyes and I just can’t seem to focus on a single thing.

You see, today was supposed to be the day I left for England with Daniel. 4pm flight out of JFK to Gatwick. 9 am (local time) flight from London to Edinburgh. He’s still going, obviously. This trip started because is sister is getting married in Scotland. The way that the airfare worked out, we were going to be there for 2 ½ weeks. The first week a cottage is rented in Edinburgh, and it is going to be filled to the brim with family members… his family members of course. The wedding is Monday with a dinner reception to follow. The dinner reception is Daniel’s gift to Jen. Nice of him, eh?

Anyway, the rest of the week was set up to be filled with enjoying the city, traveling to the Highlands, Lock Ness, and all about the area… hiking, sight seeing and whatnot.

The second week was to be spent staying with friends. In fact, one of the friends who came to visit last September. This is going to be Daniel's first return to his old stomping grounds, the town he lived in for almost two years. The town he often reminisces about and misses quite dearly.

I can’t help but think that it should be me next to him on that plane. Meeting his friends, having fun together, not his cousin who will be taking my place.

It does not help that Daniel and I have talked a few times this week and even went on a date Sunday night. I have no expectations of us getting back together, although he has said things to me that makes me believe that may be what he wants.

My question is what do I want? I am still very wounded from the whole situation. I have many more questions for him. A lot of talking needs to be done even before considering anything. Right now it’s just a few phone conversations, text messages and a couple hours well spent.

Nothing more.