How to fix a broken Michele….
I’m feeling more and more positive by the day. Light bulbs have been going off and I have been making small, yet dramatic changes in my life.
I have poor self esteem. My self esteem gets the best of me from time to time and ultimately has resulted in a form of depression. I learned of this ‘official’ diagnosis last night. It did not surprise me; in fact it made complete sense.
I’ve been doing my homework, self-searching and talking with my therapist. I am trying to understand why I am so hard on myself. I put endless rules on my life and prohibit myself from living… for no really good reason. Yes, I may be able to explain the logic as to why these rules exist – but they really do put quite the damper on my personal life. I am choosing to place myself in an unpleasant environment.
Some examples are my current living arrangement. Once there was discussion about moving to a larger apartment I immediately stopped unpacking and decorating my apartment. The logic was that if I was just going to move again, why bother? Well, I HATE how my bedroom looks, my bathroom is plain, my walls are bare. I am immediately making changes. I am ordering my movie posters. I am going to begin purchasing bathroom accessories. I will continue to decorate and add things to my apartment that will easily transfer to the new place. I have made plans for my friend to help wall-mount my TV. It’s time to fix my environment.
My finances are another good example. I’ve been busting my rear to pay down credit cards – leaving myself mere pennies to get by each month. HELLO?!?!? Yes, I need to be responsible, but do I NEED to have my credit cards paid off in 6 months? Why NOT have some breathing room and take a year to pay them off? It’s time I allow myself that extra room.
My weight loss. YES, I want to loose weight. I want to loose another 30-40 pounds. MUST I bust my rear so that I accomplish this over the next year, or do I do this at a reasonable pace and allow myself to have Chinese food once a week or whatever? Just because I loose weight does not mean that I am a better or worse person – I will still be me.
Time to live my life instead of putting rules in place which only restrict me.
5 comments:
As people have been telling me, you've made a huge step in realizing what it is you have been doing and want to change. Good for you! Life is just too short to make yourself unhappy. :)
The biggest thing is realizing that things need to change and then changing them. I went through a VERY rough patch right before meeting the hubby and it was one of the hardest times in my life. Finally I slapped myself and dealt with and things have been pretty good since then. Good for you! ::hugs::
Being bipolar (manic-depression, as it used to be known) I can tell you that once you get to know yourself, be it through drugs or therapy, everything gets better.
I wish I could tell you it gets better as soon as you get a grip on what your triggers are, etc., but it takes time. (At least, it did for me.)
Good luck! I'm here if you need to talk.
Yeah Michele!!
:)
I am a firm believer in moderation. Expecting too much from ourselves is as bad as asking too little, because either way, we are setting ourselves up for failure. Good for you, Chele, for looking for what balances you.
Post a Comment