Freedom, Beauty, Truth and Love

I believe this is the most perfect picture. When I see this, my eyes dance over every inch. The colors, the decor, the passion, the romance - its all very moving.

I know that I've expressed my passion for the movie Moulin Rouge! before - but I just can't express it enough. The story is gripping, moving. The costumes are elaborate and colorful. The dance scenes take my breath away. The music is compelling. It all comes together in a very intense story that causes me to belt out each song at the top of my lungs and brings me to tears *every* time I watch it.

Only one other movie moves me like that, and its tied as my favorite movie, Gone With the Wind... so I guess I am quite the romantic at heart :)

If parts of my dreams are coming true… now I have to worry about Woody Allen trying to kill me?

Does this mean something…or do I just say relax, it was just a dream!?!

I had a dream that I saw Daniel. Our “trial month of separation” was over. We were somewhere strange. I remember seeing a lot of roots from trees. Daniel turned to me and said “we’re back together now, right?” and I just looked at him, puzzled as all can be. A few months ago I thought we were going to try to work on things, but needed some time away… then I realized he meant “break-up” and I just COMPLETELY misunderstood – now he’s telling me that he wanted to just “pause” our relationship for a month?!?! I was totally confused and said to him “I don’t know we have to see how things go” But in my mind, the entire time I had been thinking of someone I went to High School with. I couldn’t say yes to Daniel because of this person who was on my mind. I suppose the person I was thinking of must have been subliminal… subconscious, heck maybe even subterranean! Lol. I had just sent this person a message shortly before going to bed and that was probably on my mind. But it may have been an “insert male subject here” situation… telling me to NOT go back to Daniel and get back out there. I dunno. Half of me thinks that I should get back out there in the dating world, just for the heck of it… I think that is going to be just like the kitten and playing the clarinet… a lot of talking, but no doing yet. I don’t know why. Why do I stop myself from doing things I want to do?

More exhaustion… but this time it’s for a silly reason. The past three nights in a row I’ve had very tiring dreams. You know those dreams when you wake up feeling like you just went through a traumatic experience, emotionally exhausted? That is how I have been waking up. I don’t think I have anything in particular that is on my mind, causing these dreams. But they have each been very involved, very detailed, some type of drama going on and me having to run around and fix whatever the situation is. Sleeping is my escape! I am supposed to enjoy my sleep and feel rested afterwards – not MORE tired.

I think I’ll try drinking some chamomile before bed. Maybe that will help “slow down” my mind.

I had an extremely weird and disturbing dream Tuesday night. It was so disturbing that I keep remembering how I felt during it. You know those dreams where everything seems so real that you remember every emotion, every fear, every question that went through your mind??? Well, this was one of them. It was a short dream, but it got right to the point. I had been wearing a hat and scarf so my hair was tangled at the base of my neck. Apparently this series of knots had been there for quite some time, as it begun to smell and… well… take a life of its own. As I was driving to work, I was trying to run my fingers through my hair, beginning at the nape of my neck… and I would keep finding them. They were huge and their stems were thick and imbedded into my head. I was growing grapes. I would pull them out as I would find them. Each pull terrified me, since I knew that these were growing directly into my brain. Each pull could injure me, and even kill me – but I had to keep pulling them out because they were just so… vile. I felt so disgusted and ashamed of myself for allowing these to grow there. How could I have let myself become so disgusting?

…I told you it was weird!

I found a Prancer hair on my jacket today :)

I had a dream about him last night too. He was with me at Brenda's place... helping her find a wedding dress. Let me rephrase that, I was helping her find the dress, not Prancer. He was jsut there for the company.

He is such a good boy :)

I had a very pleasant visit last night. I was woken by a very familiar sound. I knew it was Prancer’s singing. I quickly got up, wearing my pink flannel pj’s with Eiffel towers all over them. I went into the hallway, trying to figure out where the sound was coming from. I knew it couldn’t be him, because he was gone. I opened the closet door, and there he was, sitting on a pile of towels. He knew that he was not supposed to be on the towels! But I guess I would let him get away with it. I picked him up and pet him. He gave me a little bit of an attitude at first, very like him. He and I had a relationship like that, we were always play fighting. After a few moments he began purring. My Mom came out of her room. I turned to her and said “look who I found” and showed her Prancer. Then Dasher came around the corner. I handed Prancer to my Mom because I knew that she woulod want to hold him for a minuet. I leaned over to pick up Dashy. She was still thin, but not as thin as when she was at her sickest. I suppose she is still healing. Dasher used to always squirm around when I picked her up. Not last night. She sat in my arms and let me pet her.

Then I woke up with a smile on my face.

I had a nice dream about Prancer last night. I don't remember all the details, but I do remember carying him around like how I used to. I do remember the dream turning sad, and him getting sick as he was in the last few hours of his life... but that part is extremely fuzzy (thank goodness!). My memory is better with the nice moments of me carying him around.