Am I broken?
One friends mentioned fixing me up with people they know. Another friend strongly suggested I don’t even consider dating for at least 6 months and seek therapy. A few months ago I thought I *needed* therapy… heck, only a month ago I thought I needed it. The big stress factors that were whigging me out are no longer an issue. I’m starting a new job in just over two weeks. Daniel and I are broken up. My finances are coming along well (little stress right now, but that is because I am in the process of booking a trip that I probably should hold off for about 6 months – but I’m saying SCREW it and going!) I am taking the time to do what I want, when I want, how I want. I am eating what I want to eat, and I am exercising regularly again. I’m reading. I’m catching up with friends I had neglected (interestingly enough it was all the male-friends that got brushed aside) over the past year. I’m watching what I want to watch. My Netflix queue is filled with chick flicks, classics and stupid-humor.
I’m doing these things for me. Part of me wants to keep moving ahead with this “being me” and just living life. The other part of me says I should put another profile on line and start dating again. Not necessarily to “find someone” but to get back into the dating realm and practice. I need to learn how to socialize and meet people again. I used to be so good at that, until I crawled under this rock. I am tired of the rock and want to let the sun shine on me. I want to meet people, be in social settings… but I feel like I forgot how to socialize. I’m not so good with large-scale events…. But one-on-one with a new person I can handle. This is what makes me think it might be good to start dating again.
I know that it is WAY too soon to even contemplate a relationship. I don’t want one right now anyway…. Yes, there are plenty of fish in the sea, but I am still drawn to THAT fish…. Although I know that fish is plain and simple not good for me… maybe I’m allergic to it. Lol
Anyway…. Opinions? I’m feeling much stronger day by day. I’ve hardly cried in the past week. Many of you have left me comments saying that you can see my strength and believe that I am doing so well. I’m starting to think that maybe therapy is not the tool that I need. I just need to keep working on myself?
9 comments:
Perhaps there is a wine tasting class in your area? It will give you a social outing but not a "let's date" situation.
And my vote is to continue to focus on yourself - do what you want and you will find your way -your gut will lead you in the right direction. You have to grieve every relationship before you can move on to whatever is going to come next.
And get a kitty - even though I complain about the hair and vomit factor, the unconditional love of a pet rocks!!
- V
Recovering from a relationship doesn't mean you can't go out and meet people! You don't have to hide under a rock to re-discover yourself either. If you're feeling like you want to go out and do fun things, by all means, I think you should do it.
I haven't dated in so long, though, that I'm sure there are other, better people to listen to on this one...
Just the fact that you are TALKING ABOUT wanting to meet new people, to me means you are ready. Yes, you don't have to dive right back into a serious relationship (rebound!) but it doesn't mean you can't go out, eat, drink and be merry and socialize! It's human nature. But it definitely sounds like things with you are on the up and up and I'm glad you are getting back into "YOU" and making yourself happy!
I think you should keep working on you, but, just like April said if your thinking about dating your ready & besides what can it hurt?
I met the man of my dreams right after a breakup I thought I'd never get over. I was SO VERY wrong. I wasn't looking for anything and there he was.
Go make new friends. So you don't pursue a relationship, but if it happens it happens. Sometimes the good stuff finds you when your not trying so hard.
Just go be YOU, the YOU we all know and LOVE!!!! Have fun !!
You'll know when you're ready, to date again. If you just want to be social, join some groups. Another online buddy joined those Meet-Ups, and ended up in a good one.
So i guess the answer is joing *something* get active with *something*
...now, how to figure out what this something is..... hhhmmmmmm
I say to hell with dating...you'll probably meet some HOTTIE in Greece!!!
Chele, you're the only one who knows what *you* need. I remember so many people offering advice & opinions when I was first going through all this. I knew it was because they cared & that it was all well-intentioned. But in my gut, I knew what I needed for me & when. And I also knew what I *didn't* need. One of the biggest things I needed was to rediscover Dawn. I had buried her under everyone's demands & what they thought I should be. It was a relief just to be me. To do what I wanted. Eat what I wanted. Feel what I wanted. Think what I wanted. I focused on that -- which for me was difficult because I never put myself first -- and the rest just kind of followed at its own pace. (((HUGS))) You're doing great but just remember that having down days doesn't mean you're not still doing great. It's just part of the process.
i am a very different person that everyone else that has commented. after my last relationship before jason ended (it was on and off but mostly on for 2.5 years with me living with him at the end much to my dad's approval LOL) i was right back out there... i met jason just 8 short weeks after our final break up days before christmas and well look at us now. even before jason and the previous relationship i could never find myself alone for long... so after explaining all this: no you are not broken and really in my opinion there is just no time too early.
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